I know they say opposites attract but the following story definitely confirms it. An asexual woman is currently in a relationship with a recovering porn and sex addict and apparently the pair get on like a house on fire.
Alice, who identifies as asexual, spoke about her relationship with Harvey, who she has been dating for the past five years, on Channel 4's new TV series, Love Against the Odds.
When Alice first told Harvey that she found sex 'repulsive,' Harvey admitted to being a ‘recovering porn addict,' spending up to 20 hours a day 'going to the gym, eating, gaming, and masturbating.' It doesn’t sound like the worse way to spend the day, not gonna lie. Alice said the couple do have sex although maybe not as often as other couples. When asked if she gets any pleasure whatsoever from sex, Alice admits that she effectively fakes it with her partner. However, she did say that Harvey is aware of this and although he doesn’t like it, he accepts it.
Appearing on the Channel 4 show, Harvey went on to say:
“I had a pornography addiction and a sex addiction. I think I'd become quite numb and desensitized to pornography.”
Alice then explained what being asexual entailed:
“I identify as heteroromantic asexual. I don't experience any sexual attraction or desire. Being with me could mean that I won't ever be able to have sex. It means I fall in love like anyone else, but I don't experience any sexual attraction. My sexuality was not something I ever considered until I was about 16 and I got involve with a guy for the first time. As soon as he wanted to take things further, I just shut down. It wasn't that I was scared of sex, I just felt disconnected from it.”
I was pretty unaware of what asexual actually meant until a few years ago. People assume it’s a choice like celibacy, but asexuality is an intrinsic part of who people are. Harvey is the total opposite - he thought about sex 24/7 to the point where he was bashing one out to porn multiple times a day. He knew it was getting a bit much when he would cancel plans to stay home and masturbate which is when he decided to seek help.
The couple first met when a mutual friend introduced them at a party, with Alice saying:
“We ended up connecting the whole night. The night I knew something was going to happen between us, I casually mentioned the fact I was asexual. His head snapped up so fast I thought his neck was going to break.”
At the time, Harvey remembered experiencing a 'sinking feeling', and said he still struggles to understand how Alice feels. He concluded:
“Even five years on, I struggled to understand it. There's sex positive, sex neutral, sex repulsed. For Alice, she is generally sex neutral or sex repulsed.”
Alice insisted that although she doesn’t experience conventional pleasure from sex, she does feel a connection. In the clip she she talks to Harvey:
“I had to explain, I was getting something different out of it than he was. The fact that I would do this with you, shows how much I love you and how much I trust you, and how safe I feel with you.”
Wow, it’s got to be tough to manage such polar opposite wants. If Harvey gets the horn he’s welcome to call Babestation.
